disappointment

it never ceases to amaze me how people can disappoint you over and over again, knowing how much they have already disappointed you in life. its one excuse after another, never taking responsibility for their actions; the same old story. i was sadly reminded of this yesterday, and all hope i had that maybe things would be different was shattered. the all too familiar feelings came back, reminding me once again, why i had chosen to cut him out of my life: because he doesn't deserve to be in it; and he proved that once again. i should have known, but the little girl in me could only hope that i would be important enough for once for him to just be there, but as usual i was corrected. he may say he is sorry, which i don't doubt he is, and he gives excuses to try to make it okay, but nothing will change that he wasn't there. because regardless of what happened or the excuses he has, if he wanted to be there, like he said he wanted to, he would have been there, no matter what. and neither i or anyone else can change him, or make him have that extra effort to ensure he will keep his word, only he can make that choice, and sadly, i don't think that will ever happen. the adult in me knows its not my fault, an its not anything i have done, but the little girl in me wonders why i can't be important enough for him to keep his word for and the girl in me longs for him to show some effort to make a change, but i know he won't; and that fact breaks my heart. i have spent the last two years without him, and you would think i would be used to it by now, but it never fails to kill me every time he lets me down. so lesson learned for today, trust your gut feeling about people, because more than likely your gut is right, not everyone deserves a second chance especially if they have blown their chances in the past. its gonna hurt, but you'll be okay, letting go is not always easy, but its do-able. you can get through this, he is not worth yours tears anymore.